By popular demand: The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere Thread, circa April 2005

After reading your note, I ask: who's this guy Dawes?
Some no one! I yell, though this gives me pause.
Another war hero? Revere ain't enough?
Just rode alongside? Did all the same stuff?

Maybe he called all his friends? Sent a mass e-mail?
Or possibly broke some friends out of jail?
How 'bout a good story for this old-timer?
Something more suiting of Jerry Bruckheimer.

We'll make a movie! Something sober and solemn!
With a talking horse played by the guy who did Gollum.
I know for a fact it'll make more than "Jaws"
And then all will know 'bout the great William Dawes.

I think "Euro Trip" made more money than Jaws.

OK, probably not, but Jaws is no longer such an impressive benchmark in the age
of modern world-wide releases, $10 movies and, of course, DVDs. Jaws is
43rd all time world box office, and that was even before the VHS boom, not to
mention DVD, so don't give me none of that adjusted for inflation BS.

I know, I know. It rhymes with Dawes and it would be a bitch to rhyme Titanic or
Shrek 2.

Nowadays big movies make a billion dollars. With a B. As in:
"Boy, that Bastard rhymed Bruckheimer".

Now I'm just spitballing here, but how about an American colonnial
"Amadeus", with Paul Revere as Mozart and William Dawes as the Salieri.
I'm thinking Pitt and Cruise, July 4th release. Oscar gold, I tell you.
Get em by their patriotic gonads.

"The British are coming! The British are coming! And I find it difficult
to care, because I am plagued by the thought of my own mediocrity!"

You could never do Pitt and Cruise. You would have to find somebody
willing to play the meatier but less-glamorous role of Dawes. It's a
Kevin Spacey sort of role...

As for Revere, both Cruise and Pitt lack gravitas. Russell Crowe is your
man.

Brad Pitt plays Paul Revere, a Silver smithy with a passion for freedom,
only eclipsed by his love for Rachel Walker, played by Britney Murphy, his
young bride who was once the paramour of young William Dawes. Wil Dawes, played
by Ben Affleck, is another patriot whose jealousy for Revere threatens to both
consume him and destroy the American Revolution before it even starts. Set against
epic backdrop of the Birth of the United States of America, this epic love
story unfolds side by side with the crucial events that formed this great
nation, from the Boston Tea Party to the Massacre of Crispus Atticus (played by the
captivating Chris Rock). Everything culminates in the Midnight Ride, where
Dawes has to decide to between betraying his heart or his country.
With more guest stars awkwardly cast as important revolutionary figures
than you can shake a stick at (Don't miss DeVito as Ben Franklin), this will be the
hottest ticket this summer. On July 4th, make sure you are along for the
ride:

Midnight Ride (Rated PG-13)