Baby Personal Trainers


I think I have figured out what is going on. Please enjoy these further baby photos while I explain my theory.

The babies don't cry for no reason. They cry to motivate their parents toward better health. They are being "proactive" so that we can reach our personal fitness goals... whether we knew we had them or not.



Think about it. It seemed thoroughly arbitrary that every time I sat down or held still, the baby would freak out, even with gentle swaying, warm arms, and the whole shebang. The baby wants you to walk, hell the baby needs you to walk, and walk so fast that you really burn the carbs. With every scream I think I can hear a "move it along couch potato! I could hang a tire swing from those love handles!"



When do babies invariably freak out the worst? Right when you are trying to eat. They see the fried chicken or pasta and say, "Hey fattie-fatso! I would like a parent who lives to see me graduate from high school. Instead of wolfing down that next tater tot, why don't we try three laps around the house? Move it, move it!"



Now I haven't figured out how the sleep deprivation fits in but they do it in the army, so it has to play some part in getting you into shape. I think it breaks down your personal defenses, making you strongly susceptible to suggestion and behavior modification. Wait, that's not the army, I think that is Scientology. Or the Army of Scientology. Anyway, I am sure it is part of a good fitness regime.










So I got to get going. I think my babies have scheduled me for some Pilates at 7pm, followed by a Spin class at 3am. In the meantime, please enjoy this picture of Two Babies and A Cat. While the cat is not presently wearing a hat, I was considering giving it one when the picture was taken...