Now I Am Freaking Myself Out




I was cleaning up a mass of refuse from my old e-mails when I came across this chilling prediction:

"Okay, dudes, what the hell was the Terry Schiavo business all about?"
-Amy Lo

As part of a dark ritual 15 years ago, Karl Rove, Tom Delay and Dick Cheney withdrew all of the Democrat/Liberal mojo from America and placed it within the body of young Floridian woman. As you might imagine, the human mind was not designed to absorb that much Progressivism, and poor Ms. Schiavo's brain melted like a Dairy Queen Blizzard on a hot tarmac.

If Ms. Schiavo were to die, the Mojo would be re-released into the atmosphere, revitalizing the American Left. To protect their carefully choreographed plans, the Republican Cabal made sure Terry was put on life support, hopefully indefinitely.

Things went along quite swimmingly, until George Bush announced his run for presidency and got the backing of the Republican establishment. At this point, the Unholy Prince of Lies and Lord of Chaos realized he had let things go too far, and that some things went beyond a good practical joke on the Maker. Releasing Terry's husband from his dark slumber, the Devil tried to right the situation immediately, but it turns out there really is a lot of red tape that even the Father of All Whores has to go through.

Anyway, eventually his succubi and imps got all the i's dotted and t's crossed, allowing poor Miss Schiavo to finally pass on to her final reward, and consequently releasing the bottled up Liberal mojo.

And what happened in the first election after her death? I tell you, I have chills running up and down my spine in both directions. Lo, the Beast walks among us and is heavily involved in Florida politics. Be ye afraid and run henceforth to the Keys for Buffet Margarita Tuesdays.

Oh, and I saw the new Tenacious D movie. Eh, unless you are a die hard freak I would probably skip it. There are moments of greatness, particularly the opening sequence and the battle with the Devil. They should have made the whole movie a Rock Opera (like those scenes were), but they wussed out. Or their financial backers did. Either way, I would just buy the CD (or download it, whatever the kids DO nowadays) but skip the middle 4 tracks, which blow. If you have never heard of the D, I strongly encourage you to check them out despite the weakosity of their latest product:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tenacious_D

Warning, these guys swear like crazy and mock-praise the devil. If you don't think that is funny, I might look elsewhere for my entertainment.

If any of you baby addicts are still with me, I promise the next post will be filled with cuteness. I just had to cleanse the palate.